I feel like I can’t go on. I feel such immense pain inside that it renders me useless. I barely eat, I can’t sleep well, and I feel like I’m breaking down anytime I’m alone to think. I get myself out of the apartment, see people, have dinners, but I come home to the same…
I have tried multiple times to sit down and pen something, but when I do, I’m unpleased with the words I’ve written. I try forming different narratives and yet, nothing seems worth posting. What I can say is that my mind is always working on what to say, both for the purposes of my blog…
About Last Night In that quick instant when my eyes shut so fast and I saw every color as a burst of light, I truly believed my life had come to an end. I had fallen to the ground before I knew exactly what happened. I didn’t even have time to think about bracing my…
Yesterday was quite draining. I was on a business trip, and mind you, this was the first one I have been on since N left that required me to fly. I felt like I had PTSD when I went inside of the airport. The last time I saw him in person was obviously at the…
One of my most meaningful possessions is a notebook my mother wrote for me in the early 90’s. In it, page after page, she expresses her story in the hopes that as I grow up, I will be able to have more understanding and acceptance of what has happened in life. Each entry, she reminds…
This morning I was awoken by the sound of shuffling papers. “I’m used to this noise,” I thought to myself. I smiled and tried to go back to sleep, but the shuffling continued. It was about 7:30 AM, and I just stared out my window hoping the noise would fade so I could get to…
The most difficult part of this whole heartbreak process has been the act of letting go of what I once thought I had/would get. It’s not that I think I won’t find love again. It’s knowing I won’t have that love with N like I wanted. Regardless of what happens in the future between us,…
Yesterday, while I was on a walk, I saw an older gentleman who had to be in his seventies, walking his small dog along the same sidewalk I was on. I had my headphones in, gently removed one to allow me to hear if he engaged in conversation, and simply passed saying “Excuse me, little…
Today feels good. Today, I am really starting to grasp this thing called life that we all live in. After cleaning my apartment from top to bottom yesterday (Okay, so I still have my bathroom and that damned “guest” room to sort out… drop it), I can look around and see my home being a…
The day I packed up all of the photographs, gifts, trinkets and pieces of paper N gave and left for me, I did it out of haste. I woke up feeling wretched (not to be confused with “ratchet,” which, if you ask me, should have never become mainstream) and I simply wanted to rid myself…
