I know, I know… it’s been a while. Longer than a while. It’s been months! So much has happened since the last entry. Despite everything, I fully intend to pen and complete the series of letters to myself at age 18. This is more of an explanation as to why I haven’t written in so long.
Without giving away too many details (most of which will be included in the final installment), I have been on a such a journey lately. I am doing my absolute best to focus on only positive things, people, experiences. Of course, every now and again, you’re bound to have an “off” day or run into the wrong person, but overall, I’ve distanced myself from the majority of negativity which has cluttered my life innumerably.
It feels good. It is achievable. It has taken time. It’s a specific point in my life I don’t just deserve but command for myself.
Ergo why writing has been such a challenge. My thoughts when writing the next few chapters of the aforementioned series take me to a dark place mentally. Sometimes I write and weep. Not because I feel sorry for myself, but because the memories are incredibly strong in my mind.
There are places I’ve been and people I’ve met along the way I know were meant to be experienced by me in this lifetime. I am not ashamed of my past, my learnings and the abundance of mistakes I’ve made. What I find challenging is simply delving back into that mental capacity where depression doesn’t just reside but has set up shop there. It is rather difficult to “snap out of it” when writing.
Perhaps I could write about happier times? Or short stories? A children’s book… There are so many ideas I have floating around in my head, you just don’t even know. And yes, I can and probably should explore those options. But right at this moment, I’m most inclined to share very real pieces of myself with whomever is reading. What I have to do then is get over this “fear” of my memories and just write.
As my grandfather, Diddy, would say to me, “God damnit, just do it!”
So here we are. A “filler” blog giving you a little insight to my procrastination. However, I am certain once I start, I won’t be able to stop. I want to spend some time over the next month or so not just completing a body of work, but transforming this blog into something more. More for myself, more for anybody who wants to go along for the journey. Who knows what the future holds?
Until then, thank you for your patience! I will do my absolute best to write more compelling material on the future, and if you also enjoy it, then it’s win-win.